Commercial for Gender Cause of Action
A couple of years ago a bill was
introduced in the Washington Legislature that
would have created a legal cause of action for
"crimes motivated by gender." It would have
allowed a civil cause of action for damages for
domestic violence, plus costs and attorneys
fees. Luckily, lobbying by a few brave anti-bias
activists (OK, TABS) managed to keep the bill
from passing, and it has not been re-introduced
since. If the bill had passed, we would have
started seeing cheesy TV commercials like this:
Hi! I'm Wilfred "Pat"
Suitmonger, attorney at law.
Has your husband ever abused
you, you know, looked at you wrong or thought
about contradicting you? Then you've got a
valuable personal injury claim.
Has he ever blocked your access to the freezer
when you were in the throes of a
Then you are a victim of domestic violence and
are entitled to compensation.
I've been successful in helping many abused
women collect damages from their no-goodnik
I got $300,000 for a husband throwing the remote
I got $500,000 for a man forcing his wife to
balance the checkbook and stop exceeding the
credit card limit.
I've gotten big bucks for other bad behavior
like negligent dirty sock disposal, aggravated
toilet seat-leaving-up and serial monotony.
No evidence? No problem. You are the woman
therefore you are the victim. Trust me, you
won't have to prove a thing.
Don't wait any longer. Call now for a free
consultation. You'll be on your way to instant
wealth and real happiness in no time.
Recovery not guaranteed if your husband is a
low-life who has no assets to satisfy judgments.
Counter-claims against you
for negligent weight-gain, aggravated nagging,
and malicious derision not included and will be
billed at normal hourly rates.