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Commercial for Gender Cause of Action

A couple of years ago a bill was introduced in the Washington Legislature that would have created a legal cause of action for "crimes motivated by gender." It would have allowed a civil cause of action for damages for domestic violence, plus costs and attorneys fees. Luckily, lobbying by a few brave anti-bias activists (OK, TABS) managed to keep the bill from passing, and it has not been re-introduced since. If the bill had passed, we would have started seeing cheesy TV commercials like this:

Hi! I'm Wilfred "Pat" Suitmonger, attorney at law.

Has your husband ever abused you, you know, looked at you wrong or thought about contradicting you? Then you've got a valuable personal injury claim.

Has he ever blocked your access to the freezer when you were in the throes of a Haagen-Dasz-related emergency?

Then you are a victim of domestic violence and are entitled to compensation.

I've been successful in helping many abused women collect damages from their no-goodnik husbands.

I got $300,000 for a husband throwing the remote control.

I got $500,000 for a man forcing his wife to balance the checkbook and stop exceeding the credit card limit.

I've gotten big bucks for other bad behavior like negligent dirty sock disposal, aggravated toilet seat-leaving-up and serial monotony.

No evidence? No problem. You are the woman therefore you are the victim. Trust me, you won't have to prove a thing.

Don't wait any longer. Call now for a free consultation. You'll be on your way to instant wealth and real happiness in no time.

Call 1-800-REVENGE.

Recovery not guaranteed if your husband is a low-life who has no assets to satisfy judgments.

Counter-claims against you for negligent weight-gain, aggravated nagging, and malicious derision not included and will be billed at normal hourly rates.

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