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Gruyere for Governatrix

Now that Christine Gruyere has won her primary battle, she's launched an ad blitz filled with blatant pandering to the women's vote.  I swear I heard this ad the other day.....

 Hi, I'm Chris Gruyere.  In addition to being a breast-cancer-scare survivor, I'm also a domestic violence, rape, and sexual harassment victim.  Just like 95 per cent of women, I have been abused by men all my life.  If elected, I'll take care of all you poor victims who have low-life, good-for-nothing husbands and boyfriends. 

 Despite outward appearances, my husband isn't just a big dumb lump in the background of my campaign ads.  He's a violent domestic abuser.  I control him with a special "restraining order," a Taser gun attached to his private parts.  Whenever he even thinks about abusing me, I zap him. 

 As Governatrix, I will introduce a package of laws to protect women from evil abusers, including:

 Automatic Domestic Violence Protection Orders against the husband upon marriage.

 Mandatory Arrest of the Man upon every 911 DV call

 All Women Exempt from being Arrested or Charged with DV

 No Court Hearings Required for all DV Protection Orders requested by Women against Men

Men who claim to be a DV or sexual harassment victim will be automatically charged with the offenses.  He will be automatically convicted, with no appeals allowed.

All men in Washington State will be required to enroll in Perpetual Domestic Violence Perpetrator Treatment (at their expense).  

In order to lower the cost of health insurance, men's diseases will no longer be covered, including prostate problems, testicular cancer, cooties and athlete's foot fungus.

My tax plan will provide that women are exempt from all taxes, including sales, property and B & O.  Men's taxes will be doubled to make up.  Also, new taxes will be enacted or increased, as follows:

Beer - 20 %

Pornography - 50 %

Sports Cars - 75 %

Guns & Ammo - 100 %

As for Family Law, my legislative agenda will include:

Automatic Custody to Mothers (no change)

Child Support 80 % of fathers' income

Child Support payable through age 30

Maintenance payable to wife for 10 years plus the number of years of marriage

If elected Governatrix, I will not fire male state employees merely because of their gender.  However, all male employees must have a certificate of neutering from a licensed veterinarian or acupuncturist.  All male employees must take mandatory sexual harassment and gender awareness training 4 times per year, and learn to bow down to female supervisors.   

In the remote likelihood that a woman sexually harasses a man at the workplace, the man must submit to all demands of the woman, and when she's done with him, he must submit his resignation, a signed confession, and a waiver of all unemployment and pension benefits. 

Gruyere for Governatrix!

I'm Christine Gruyere, and I did not approve this message (although I would if I could actually get away with it). 

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