Now that Christine Gruyere has
won her primary battle, she's launched an ad
blitz filled with blatant pandering to the
women's vote. I swear I heard this ad the other
Hi, I'm Chris Gruyere. In addition to being a
breast-cancer-scare survivor, I'm also a
domestic violence, rape, and sexual harassment
victim. Just like 95 per cent of women, I have
been abused by men all my life. If elected,
I'll take care of all you poor victims who have
low-life, good-for-nothing husbands and
Despite outward appearances, my husband
isn't just a big dumb lump in the background of
my campaign ads. He's a violent domestic
abuser. I control him with a special
"restraining order," a Taser gun attached to his
private parts. Whenever he even thinks about
abusing me, I zap him.
As Governatrix, I will introduce a package of
laws to protect women from evil abusers,
Automatic Domestic Violence
Protection Orders against the husband upon
Mandatory Arrest of the Man upon every 911 DV
All Women Exempt from being Arrested or
Charged with DV
No Court Hearings Required for all DV
Protection Orders requested by Women against Men
Men who claim to be a DV or sexual harassment
victim will be automatically charged with the
offenses. He will be automatically convicted,
with no appeals allowed.
All men in Washington State will be required to
enroll in Perpetual Domestic Violence
Perpetrator Treatment (at their expense).
In order to lower the cost of health
insurance, men's diseases will no longer be
covered, including prostate problems, testicular
cancer, cooties and athlete's foot fungus.
My tax plan will provide that women are exempt
from all taxes, including sales, property and B
& O. Men's taxes will be doubled to make up.
Also, new taxes will be enacted or increased, as
Beer - 20 %
Pornography - 50 %
Sports Cars - 75 %
Guns & Ammo - 100 %
As for Family Law, my
legislative agenda will include:
Automatic Custody to Mothers (no change)
Support 80 % of fathers' income
Child Support payable through age 30
Maintenance payable to wife for 10 years plus
the number of years of marriage
If elected Governatrix, I will not fire male
state employees merely because of their gender.
However, all male employees must have a
certificate of neutering from a licensed
veterinarian or acupuncturist. All male
employees must take mandatory sexual harassment
and gender awareness training 4 times per year,
and learn to bow down to female supervisors.
In the remote likelihood that a woman sexually
harasses a man at the workplace, the man must
submit to all demands of the woman, and when
she's done with him, he must submit his
resignation, a signed confession, and a waiver
of all unemployment and pension benefits.
Gruyere for Governatrix!
Gruyere, and I did not approve this message
(although I would if I could actually get away