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New Mandatory Seminar for Divorcing Parents

Most courts around the country have implemented mandatory "impact on children" seminars for divorcing parents. In King County, Washington, the seminar is entitled "What About the Children?" The purpose of the seminar is to acquaint parents with the court process and help them understand how children are affected by parental conflict. The seminar also helps parents develop a parenting plan, either informally or through mediation.

This seminar has been very successful, leading to a huge reduction in conflicts between parents over child custody. Fewer parents are litigating their cases in court, filing for temporary motions, protection orders, engaging in discovery conflicts, formal settlement conferences, and of course, trials. In fact, so many couples are settling out of court that it has led to a devastating reduction in habitat and feeding grounds for attorneys. Massive migrations of divorce lawyers have begun. Starving herds have been observed crossing county lines searching for jurisdictions that still have high levels of conflict that will sustain large populations of litigators. (Incidentally, a herd of divorce lawyers is called a "fleece").

Some courtrooms have become ghost-towns, with only the occasional motion for clarification being heard. More often, parents are circumventing the established bar and partaking of the services of (GASP!) paralegals to prepare agreed documents. Despite King County's best efforts, some parents are filing in remote Lincoln County, where divorces are still being granted through the mail with no attorney or personal appearance required.

At the urging of state and local bar associations and the Divorce Lawyer Conservation League, the court will now mandate attendance at a new seminar, "What About the Lawyers?" This seminar will educate divorcing spouses on the impact their selfish cooperation has on innocent divorce lawyers, and to conduct themselves to always recognize divorce lawyers' unique needs at every stage of the proceedings. ALL King County residents going through a divorce must attend this seminar, even if they file their documents in another county.

Topics to be covered include:

Why a Custody Battle is a Good Thing

Spending Your Kids' College Fund on a Divorce Still Means Some Other Kid Gets to Go to College (Your Lawyer's Kid)

Why a New BMW is Crucial to Your Attorney's Self-Esteem

Preserving Lakeshore Habitat for Divorce Attorneys Through Perpetual Litigation (pre-divorce, during divorce and post-divorce)

Just Say Yes to Child Sexual Abuse Allegations

Making Up Domestic Violence Accusations for Fun and Profit

Even a Toaster Oven is Worth $250 Per Hour in Attorneys Fees: How to Fight With Your Spouse Over Every Little Thing

Don't Throw Away That Incriminating Stuff You Found Rifling Through Your Spouse's Personal Things: Give it to Your Lawyer!

Fun With Discovery Abuse

The Art of Signing an Agreement While Having No Intention of Following It

Faking Your Conversion to Cooperative Parenting

Remembering Your Attorney During the Holidays: How to Repeatedly Dispute Implementation of the Children's Winter Vacation Time

The Benefits of Child Relocation: Long-Distance Parenting Plans Mean More Conflict and More Money in Your Lawyer's Pockets

Assuring Long-Term Survival of the Species: The Benefits of Re-Marriage and Re-Divorce

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