Domestic Violence Perpetrator Treatment: Ask Dr. Lisa: The Real Family Law Guide
Dr. Lisa is here to answer your most burning questions about domestic violence perpetrator treatment.
Q: Dr. Lisa, what is Domestic Violence Perpetrator Treatment?
A: Domestic violence perpetrator treatment is a system of power, control and domination over persons forced into it by family or criminal courts, the purpose of which is to remove as much free will as possible from their minds and as much money as possible from their wallets.
Q: What is the evolution of the term "domestic violence perpetrator treatment"?
A: It started out as "batterers treatment" which implied that repeated violent force was the primary constituent of the behavior.
Q: Then what?
A: It was renamed "domestic violence perpetrator treatment" to encompass more than just battering, but that still implies violence is the principal component of the objectionable behavior. Despite specific definitions of domestic violence in the statutes, the definition of domestic violence has been expanded by so-called DV advocates and treatment providers to include physical, psychological, emotional, verbal and non-verbal non-tactile abuse by ESP. That's because virtually everyone (i.e. every man) is guilty of DV under this definition. It's pretty much anything the man does that the woman finds irritating, offensive, or just plain wrong.
Q: Given that, are there better names for this type of treatment?
A: Yes, but new labels still might not adequately describe what's really going on here.
Q: How about Relationship Re-Education?
A: Not quite right, implies there's education in it.
Q: Male Attribute Aversion Therapy?
A: Closer, but implies there's therapy involved.
Q: Y Chromosome Holder Beat-Down?
Q: Cognitive Castration?
A: Nailed it!
Q: Why do people get sent to DV perp treatment even if they've never been convicted of a crime of domestic violence?
A: Because many in the system drank the Kool-Aid ® put out by the Domestic Violence Industry that DV is epidemic, lurking behind every door in suburban America and the only way to stop it is to send every male accused of abuse to DV perp treatment. Everyone is terrified of being seen as soft on DV, so they palm off the accused to treatment, then they can wash their hands of the pesky little problem of lack of any proof of violence. It's a cash-cow for the treatment providers, and it makes prosecutors, evaluators and courts look like they're doing something about DV. It's a win-win (for everyone except the hapless guy sent to the gulags for re-education).
Q: If my wife starts pummeling me in the face and I push her back, does she bear any responsibility for the situation?
A: No, that's blaming the victim. Only the man can be held responsible for any kind of violence, even if the woman initiates it. And just for asking that question, you're being sent to an extra treatment session in the back room that will cost you another $150. Now shut up and fork it over.
Q: So basically, if you're a man, you're an abuser.
A: And screwed.
Q: What is a DV evaluation or DV assessment?
A: Most people believe that a DV evaluation or DV assessment is a thorough investigation using standardized tests and recognized objective protocols that determines whether you have actually committed domestic violence. However, in the alternate-reality world of DV it is merely a sham with a foregone conclusion that you need DV treatment. The only question is just exactly how much money they can extract from you.
Q: How would the Dalai Lama do in a DV evaluation?
A: "Repressed rage resulting in potential explosive violent outbursts. Needs at least 2 years of treatment."
Q: Tom Hanks?
A: Definitely needs treatment.
Q: Jay Leno?
A: Long-term treatment.
Q: Mr. Rogers?
Q: Pope Benedict?
A: Oh brother.
Q: How about Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, the pastor's wife, Mrs. Phil Hartman, and all those murdering wives on Dateline NBC?
A: Repeat victims of DV by every boyfriend and husband they've been involved with. Exhibit signs of Battered Woman Syndrome. Pushed to the brink and the only way to respond was to lash out violently, but he couldn't possibly have been hurt by it.
Q: But the pastor is dead, so is Phil Hartman, and John Bobbitt probably wished he was dead.
A: Well they'll never abuse a woman again.
Q: Can a woman commit domestic violence against another woman?
A: No, when women act out violently towards other women, it's not their fault, it's the overwhelming influence of the patriarchal society that causes their behavior. Even more reason to send every man to DV perp treatment.
Q: Is there any proof that DV treatment really works?
A: No. In most cases, it's not necessary to send someone for the full meal deal when all there has been is some minor conflict at the end of a relationship. There's usually bad behavior on both sides, but in this current climate, it's always the man's fault, no matter how innocuous the behavior or non-existent the injury. It's like a doctor treating a sinus infection with chemotherapy. It's overkill, but hey, we can't take any chances, can we? (Forget that the real abusers know how to manipulate the system and pass with flying colors).
Q: How does one choose a treatment program that's right for them?
A: Number One, don't agree to it in the first place. Some naive guys hear it's just "counseling" so it sounds harmless enough and they agree to it in their divorce or DV case. How wrong they are!
Resist at all costs being sent to it.
If you can't avoid it, get into the biggest cattle-call class you can find, sit in the back, murmur a few appropriate words once in a while and do everything you're told to do.
Admit to vague DV-type behaviors like "throwing a fit" and "pushing the limits" and hope the counselor takes that as an admission to DV.
Agree with everything they say without appearing insincere. You know what they say, when you can fake sincerity, you've got it made.
Watch out for "steering." This is where evaluators or courts require you to go to specific providers, ensuring a steady stream of business for the elite in-crowd cartel members. If you must go to treatment, insist that it be a “state-certified” provider of your choice. However, even if you pick a program that looks like it will work for you, you may later find out that they are not on the "approved" list. If a DV perp program is too "nice" to guys they can get blacklisted or de-certified.
Don't sign any contracts until you've had your lawyer review them and make sure they don't tack on additional programs you don't need or weren't ordered to take.
Q: Such as?
A: Some outfits will suck you into perpetual treatment by padding your "treatment plan" with extra programs (which they or their buddies charge for), that they say you "need" in order to graduate. These can include treatment for addictions to alcohol, drugs, internet cat videos, therapy for issues such as ADD, ADHD, OCD, ADHDOCD, ADHDACDC, weight loss hypnotherapy, athlete’s foot eradication, etc.
Some treatment add-ons for dads are called "responsible parenting" or "parenting without violence," but also go by names such as:
- DV Duds (minimum 6 month program)
- DV Dorks (minimum 10 months)
- DV Dweebs (minimum 12 months)
- DV Dodos (minimum 18 months)
- DV Doofuses (minimum 24 months)
The point of these programs is to ensure that you stay in treatment, and are therefore under their thumbs, for as long as possible. And all they do is condition dads to just shut up and defer to the kids' mom in every situation.
Q: Are there classes for moms who are victims of domestic violence?
A: Yes, DV Divas.
Q: What if I deny that I abused my wife or partner?
A: Denial of abuse is punished more harshly than actual abuse. Look down, check to see if you have male equipment, and if so, you're an abuser. Admit your crimes and you'll eventually get out, if for no other reason than they’ll get tired of seeing your sappy Stepford Husband blank-stare face in their class.
(For more pointers on how to graduate from DV perp see "How to Ace Your Accountability Letter").
Q: My counselor says I'm violating their rules by filing a motion for contempt against my ex for withholding the children from me.
A: Yes, DV now includes “using the legal system to further abuse your victim.” So file a motion to appoint a guardian ad litem (GAL) for you, since you're unable to handle your own affairs, and have them do it. The GAL can't be punished by the counselor.
Q: What if my ex falsely accuses me of "re-offending" during the treatment program?
A: Prepare to be either thrown out of the program or forced to start over from the beginning. In treatment, there is no such thing as the "victim" not being right. The victim can do no wrong and will always be believed over you, no matter how crazy convoluted or inherently incredible her allegations against you are. You thought the family court that sent you there was biased and unfair, get ready for even worse "treatment" (ha ha).
Q: If this is real treatment then how come it's not covered by my health insurance?
A: Neither is dog-obedience training.
Q: I found out that my counselor's previous job was selling credit default swaps before the financial collapse.
A: Obviously they've found their true calling.
Q: What if I get to the very end of the 1-year program and the counselor says they're terminating me, or say I need another year of treatment?
A: Duh, ever heard of bait and switch? This is what some of them do. Demand a full refund of fees you paid since they're obviously incompetent boobs that couldn't cure you.
Q: I tried that, but they said they could still make me go another year because state law says treatment is "minimum 1-year."
A: Then get out your checkbook.
Q: Does the State Medical Quality Assurance Commission regulate DV treatment providers?
A: M-QAC, you tell me.
Q: Who invented DV perp treatment?
A: The Marquis de Flawed.
Q: What is the difference between DV perp treatment and anger management?
A: About two thousand bucks.
Q: Why do they mandate group therapy for DV perp sessions and not allow individual therapy?
A: One person: $50.00, ten people: $500. Do the math.
Q: Are there some songs which describe the DV perp treatment experience?
A: As a matter of fact, there are several:
- Highway to Hell
- Dazed and Confused
- Sole Survivor
- Under Pressure
- Eye in the Sky
- Do It Again
Q: Where should my wife go to get treatment for making false allegations against me?
A: DV Prevaricator's Treatment.
Q: Do they have an accountability letter?
A: Yes, they just have to sign a statement that says "I will not use false abuse allegations to get custody of the children. Unless I really need to."
Q: Where do I go if I continue to deny any abuse?
A: DV Purgatory Treatment.
Q: Are there any new trends in domestic violence perpetrator treatment?
A: Yes, a new treatment modality has just been approved by the state: Laser-light gin-soaked raisin lower-body appendage electro-shock acupuncture domestic violence perpetrator treatment. After only a few of these treatments, you'll be a blubbering mass of insecurity and won't be able to hurt anyone ever again, or work, or form a coherent sentence....
Disclaimer: Dr. Lisa is not a doctor, nor does she play one on TV. Dr. Lisa's opinions about domestic violence perpetrator treatment are solely the opinions of Dr. Lisa, and do not represent the opinions of any other person, living or dead. Dr. Lisa's comments about domestic violence perpetrator treatment are not directed at any particular domestic violence perpetrator treatment provider(s). Any similarity to any specific current or past domestic violence perpetrator treatment provider(s) is unintentional and purely coincidental. If you think Dr. Lisa is talking about you, then hey, maybe you need treatment.